Abuse

I can't say it was sudden or awkward. I saw the clouds of the storm slowly gathering, but to watch it all unfold... I don't know. Honestly, I'm still short of words. It wasn't because I was scared. It wasn't because of the pain I saw and felt... It was more like a movie. Some sort of deja vu.

As I watched the tears roll down her face, I remembered my own tears, my own fears. Somehow, I looked at her with courage because I'm still standing, meaning with proper care, she would too.

Unfortunately, something ugly happened. And as much as we try to hide it, it is a monstrous pain that interrupts our smiles and touches of laughter. It is a burden we carry until we just don't carry it anymore.

Not until the recent #MeToo and #TimesUp Movement have many women spoken up publicly. But we are there. Whether you know or not, we are there. It is also one of the reasons why I started this blog and I haven't had much courage to speak on the topic until recently. With the recent #SurvivingRKelly docuseries, I found it harder to keep quiet. I watched it late and saw a lot of comments beforehand and I wasn't surprised but it was like, go figure. People still don't get it. Many people still found the girls at fault.

"If you knew it was a snake, why would you mess with it? She knew R Kelly was a pervert, why did she go looking for him?"

And to you I say, hey people make mistakes. Yes, I feel the need to address you. Because it happens. Were these girls naive, maybe, and that is not beyond correction BUT thanks to the ironies of life, she's the one who's picking up the pieces of her life and trying to be as "normal" as she can while her abuser is living every day like nothing happened. Abuse. Ab-use like Abnormal Use. Like it was not intended to be like this. As in someone saw something or another person and decided to use it improperly without considering the detriment of the person. As in someone can see someone in a vulnerable state and respect their being despite their desire and leave them as they should be left. As in, it is not normal behavior. Rape. Molestation. Sexual Harassment. Child. Adult. Animal. Whoreva! You gorrit?

Antyways, that is not the flavor of the tea today. Unfortunately, some demons just won't understand the concept of no, or respect or privacy. I wonder sha, what would happen if women could actually get together and educate and empower one another? You know? A place to unwind even when you're too afraid to speak up. An environment to relate to what you thought was unthinkable, unbearable? A place to unburden, unladen yourself?

Aha!! You didn't see that coming, did you? Laid some old school English in that tea! No worries, it means to not carry a load. I discovered it very many years ago when I was praying and chatting it up with God and reading my bible and what not. You know what I mean.

Come unto me all those who are heavy laden and I will give you rest.

Jesus said that! I know you know it. It's a very common verse! But it was so heavy to me! So I looked deeper into this word laden and I will never forget the description I came across. As if to pull back heavy curtains and let light shine in... putting down the pain and negative changes that came about from that abnormal use and letting light come in... you feel me?

What if by sharing our stories, our lessons, our growth, our healing, we could heal one another? LOL What if, just what if we could stop the abnormal use of others?

After that very incidental deja vu, I wondered if I had shared my own story sooner, maybe someone could have avoided a bad situation? Maybe that deja vu would have never happened? Someone encouraged me and said, maybe I wasn't as strong then as I am now to have a meaningful impact. Maybe now is the time?

I honestly, don't know. lol Maybe this is part of my own unladen-ing lol but we fit try. So you probably noticed the new tab yaasssss buh soo nooo at the same time! If you can't handle it, if it makes you uneasy don't click on that tab. But if you are hurting, or looking to help someone else, let's hope we can help ourselves. I'm no therapist ooohhhhhh but I think I can write an empowering story hmmm? So yea, as my lovely Granpa always quotes "It is a trial and I have tried. Kwame Nkurumah" (Don't ask me if he really said that, Grandpa just says it all the time) and I haven't tried yet, but this is us trying... Shall we?