Ma'am

     Naso the day started, very ordinary, very plain like this, but I was starting it exhausted. I worked the night shift the night before, and it was my first night shift in a long while. So I knew my own and Gee's shakara no go plenty. I was tired. It was going to be a dull Sunday.

     I sha put Gee in a jogger suit and threw on myself a very reliable, always cute top, pair of semi cute pants, boots and ✨shala shala ✨ we're dressed and off to church we went. I managed to be half awake through the day and finally, I arrived... My dear, this is the arrival of the tea

     I went to a baby shower and tired me was debating like 50/50 do I want to be jolly and be a happy friendly Ola or do I want to just show face and go back to my bed. Well, I decided on a 50/50 of my two choices. I stayed for just an hour, had a few bites, opened up and was very friendly. It was a bit of an awkward event for me because I only knew a handful of people there. It was an event for my mom, but she was on weekend duty and couldn't make it. So I went instead of her.

     There I was being friendly, trying to eat small small and dancing in my seat. I only had like 15 left of my 1 hour, and then she walked in.

It was one of those Aunty's, you know?! The kind that if you don't greet, it is hell. If you do greet them, it is still hell! I sat very close to the entrance and even tried to greet her from a distance, but as life goes, she didn't see me.

I used 5 minutes more and figured I'd say hello and goodbye on my way out. 🤦🏾‍♀️ Mistake. And this is how our convo went:

Me: Good Evening Ma
Aunty: *long blank stare* Good Evening darling
Me: thinking maybe she doesn't recognize me, It's me ma, Ola
Aunty: now very lively, Ehn I know it is you! I'm just looking at how big you have gotten! What are you going to do about this your weight?! You are big again!
Me: Trying to play off this display of ignorance  Yes, I've lost weight and I've gained it again, but I'm doing great. As I gracefully try to walk away...
Aunty: Ehnnn!! How is your son? I'm sure he's a big guy now! Where is he?
Me: Yes! Yes, he is he's doing great! He's great with my dad. And before I could inhale...
Aunty: Ehhn Ehhhnnnn!!! Where's his dad? You remember I was at your introduction? Why are you here by yourself? Why do you go out without your husband? How is his mom?
Me: Ma'aaaammm!!!!!! Obviously, you did not get the memo! I am very Single right now! Can I walk away in peace? Why are you bombarding me?!
    Me: Ehem, yea he traveled. Alright, I'll see you la......
Aunty: Buh still now, why are you out at night, by yourself? And try and package yourself so other men won't look. And how is school? I'm sure after the baby you never went bah

Me: Nawl bruh, you not gone discredit all my hard work and sweat bruh. It's my turn to do the interrupting!! The ack of the back never made it passed her lips before I started fiercely, loudly, and with a smile! I'm doing GREAT in school! Me ke?! I went back ohh! I did great then, I'm doing great now, and the future will be even better!!!
Aunty: Smiling, shouting, and jumping Aaayyyyyeeeee!!!!!!! That's my girl!!
Me: Yes now! I will soon be inviting you to my graduation!

Now yall know, I was lying. She can't get a ticket. Even if I had a million! I'mma run out when it gets to her.

     I walked away from that convo confused with laughter. Ma'am...? Ma'am?! MA'AM?! Did you really?! Is a married woman not to leave the house without her husband?! Ma'am, did you see a ring on my finger? You ain't put two and two together, or you just want to hear it from the horse's mouth? Because I'm confused? I'm not as hurt by the emotional trauma and the fact that I was actually engaged and it not being a figment of my imagination. All that is for therapy. Right then, the issue was her!

     Why couldn't my son be with his grandfather? What made you question that?! What is wrong with him visiting his grandparentals? Or would you just like to show your yansh?!

     Why was my weight such a big deal to this woman? The last time she saw me, I literally had my baby 8 days prior and I surely am not the same weight as then. I am also carrying more bakasi (back side, junk in the trunk, boo-tay)!!
I mean, I know I didn't walk in the door looking one hunnit, but I was iight! Or was her comment that I was too fine? Was my girlies bouncing too nicely? LBVS like whaaa?? whhhaaaatt??? Well Ma'am, I have gained the weight I lost in preparation for my trip to the Bahamas, buh lissen hurr! Lemme tell you how goood I feel! I mean, I am fat fat and happy happy!!
If I did anything in 2018, which I did do a lot, one thing I did well is learn how to love myself. I can't tell you how sexy I feel!

I'm aware of the extra pounds, but NOW! But Now, I love myself every step of the way. Fat fat Ola is sexy, fat Ola is sexy, and thick Ola is sexy lol I doubt there will ever be a skinny Ola but hey, she goin' get love too!!  And any aunty, or fella, or sis, or woman or any gat dang body, yall can deal with it! Because my happiness is to expensive to be without! I is single. I is fat. and I is happy.

Buh fr fr, have you seen my insta? Yewl see the happy and the fat look good together 😉