Mud and the Dirt

If you ever see me when Cardi B's Be Careful comes on, please do not disturb me. This is my whole jam. It is my heart, it is my love letter to a certain ex. In a matter of seconds, my nails are 2" long, my hair is down below my yansh, and I've got a crew of angry, well-dressed women behind me agreeing and emphasizing my every word as they lean on a mad muscle car. I have completely transformed into a female gangsta rapper 💋

Anywhoo, that's not why we have gathered here today. It's been a while I have given you all a Rehab update and my heart, my love life right now... its description right now, righ' now, it's stuck in a hard place, the mud and the dirt. 

I have to write when I am okay and yes that denotes that I have some very not okay days, but it is well 🙏🏾 I've just been through enough where I need time to process it all. lol a whole lotta time to process from beginning to end. (Although this is not the end, end. I de beg God, let it end extravagantly well. Help me say hay-men)  I thought while I was processing, I could still catch thrills ehn, buh e no good. It very quickly has turned down into a, "I'm good love 😊" 

I'm just here with the pieces of my heart in my lap, drinking tea in the morning and wine at night 💁🏾‍♀️You know? Trying not to cuss out a well deserving niccuh, raising my blood pressure unnecessarily, telling him about the mistakes he and his muva had made in this life and any person, male or female, that is quick at the lip and bold enough to be rude to me...

 

because you know, it's just not worth it. Between my feelings, the ups and downs, and several conversations with the besties, topics varying from Omo I'm about to lose it and the pleasantries of life, I do my best to take care of me 💋 I now do things like, buy cake to go with my wine, and workout more with friends, and keep my nails done and style my new tapered cut! I'm here enjoying life sha. I lose it every now and then. I haven't perfected this new chill I'm trying to master. But I'm trying sha, according to my own finely measured standards. Na I suppose do as a new chill madam abi?