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I can worry. I can, but I won't.

So much is happening. So much has happened. It's like you stay forever waiting for all of your geese to line up and then just when you think you're there, one of em is out of place again.

I can worry, but I won't.

I'm controlling. I'll admit it. I'm an analytical thinker, so I'll plan and plan and plan and analyze on how everything should be. I also know that I'm not God. Things can go to plan or they can change, so I usually have about three plans ready.

I lost someone very dear to me. One of my brothers. Life is short. Shorter than the sentence I used to state that it's short. Death can be very evil. Especially when the person is young. It has the power to change the people it did not take. I pray we change for the better. And with that, it's taught me, don't worry. Just keep praying and hoping and staying positive and let the chips fall where they may.

I'm here eating Mango Sorbet while Baby Gee makes attempts to say hi to you all by pressing keys... and this sorbet is soo against my better eating habits and the 5 lbs I've lost that Mr. Significant apparently can't see  but na him sabi. How do I say it? What am I trying to say?

It's like it finally dawned on me, why do I stress so much if it's all vanity. Vanity upon vanity is all vanity, yea I know that. Then somehow it just seems so ridiculous that I plan so much. It somehow just pushed me to really let go. Just let God do it all. To stop caring so much. Let things be out of my control and be okay with that... really dropping it in God's lap and letting it fall out of my mind. I don't have to go back and check on it to see if there's been progress. I don't have to be on pins and needles about it. I can just thank God because it will or will not happen but it is His Will.

I can worry, but I don't want to.

I rather put more trust in the people around me. Give people the benefit of doubt. Know that things will not go wrong every single time. Put more trust in God.

I won't worry.... but saying I'm bummed is an understatement. Death, it changes things. It has changed my perspective. Life sometimes, it gets tough. It's crazy that we move carry on, but you would want us to. And before I start rambling on and on and on, I just hope my family is as strong as we say we are. God please help us through these times. My new angel is someone dear to me... missing you like crazy Love.