In depression growth happiness island life joy life life reflections pain positivity Purple Ink stories

Hakuna Matata

It's time to open the books again... yes my very little holiday has ended.
Oh wait
My bad.
I never told you I was on holiday.
Well another semester came to an end and I had the opportunity to sleep until noon, drink pina coladas every day, do some sight seeing, make new friends, completely overdose on Nollywood, watch a bit of Hollywood movies, and eat a lot of food. 
this is me outside the after school program i volunteered for while on holiday.
Check out @AyoKumbee on instagram for my photos!
Gots to stay connected.
My Life is Interesting. Trust Me!

I can happily tell you, I wasted not the opportunity. 
You should have noticed by the lack of posts...
My bad.
I was on full out vacation.
Anywhoo, it has ended well and at the right time.
It's now time to study, and I mean like right now, because I got my notes and everything open. All methods of procrastination have been exhausted and time has dwindled down to the crunching part... crunch time is what I'm referring to, stay with me here people. 
Anyway sha, I couldn't start studying until I poured out my heart.
I've been all emotional lately and really reflective on life.
What else is new, Right?
I've realized these last 5 months, have been a very unique time in my life.
I've spewed anger, I sampled hatred, I've chopped frustration, I've tasted depression, I've tasted sadness, I've tasted joy, and now I'm getting a really good taste of happiness. Sounds silly abi?
How persin sabi taste joy but never chop happiness?
I said...
How can a person understand and taste joy but never eat (experience) happiness?

I've said it time and time again, because I know it's a challenge of a sort that I need to overcome,
about how I always live for the tasks. Like, I gotta get straight As this semester or I gotta pay this debt off by this day, or I gotta buy this book and read it by this week... ya know? Very rarely do I go through the day and just simply enjoy it.

-Story Time-
I know you're excited
When I was in high school, everything I thought about was my future. I gotta get into the best college and get amazing scholarships so I won't be a hassle to mommy and daddy. That way a very hot hardworking guy will marry me and then I'll have kids.
 -no laughs please-
 I was always doing things to make my resume and personal statement better. I can't remember what exactly it was, but I think this time it was a scholarship that I applied for, and I didn't get it. I was sad for some days and the very next time I was in church, my mom said that I should go up for the special thanks offering. Now if you're African, you're very aware that in an African Church, offering time is DANCING TIME. Like Bro Franklin. Chhuuuuuchh!
So anyway, I was like, why? I didn't get the scholarship. I went anyway and the whole time I'm there, I'm praying really, really, really hard. I was like God I want this... I need this... So everything can work out just fine. My mom, being the awesomely phenomenal woman that she is, knows her children extremely well. She walked up to me and tapped me on the shoulder and said, "You're never going to get anything if you don't know how to say thank you through the good times and bad." I looked my momma in the eyes and saw a tender seriousness. She knew how hard I worked for the scholarship and how much it meant to me. I started thanking God and then went back to my seat.
That marked my mind, but there's a difference between understanding something and being able to apply it. 
Welp, it has finally sinked in.
This last semester was toughhhhh! Like for real for real tuufffffffff!
But Joshua 1:5 wrapped me in His arms and kept me.
God is with me. Therefore I cannot fail.
Things didn't 100% go my way and Ola hasn't quite exactly been Ola. I'm quite tough on myself and when I don't meet my own goals I bring out a tree switch and flog myself. So I also expect others to be hard on me. Silly? I know. What's more is I expect God to be upset with me. Sillier...? Sort of. You may laugh but I know many people have an impression of God as this Big Guy who watches over the Earth and doesn't do much until humans mess up. Then He brings out the biggest beating stick and flogs us.
Welp, I don't think that's the only time He intervenes, but sometimes I just wait for God's punishment. I just wait for things to go wrong or to be denied of something I was excitedly expecting because I didn't pray for 2 hours or something. Or I didn't read my Bible. Or if something tiny doesn't go the way I expect it, my whole day is ruined. I've told you that before right? Yea I did, that's why I was all about being positive and keeping a happy attitude that one day. Well it has finally worked! I'm soo chill. I've been less angry with myself and more happy. I have learned to just enjoy the day. The beautiful island and my host family has helped with this. And the awesome friends I've made *wink wink* I have met some truly amazing people. Nonetheless, things have not been going 100% as I have planned or was hoping, yet I am thoroughly enjoying my life. 

::According to Ola B's Dictionary::
Happiness- a pleasant emotional feeling based on events "what happens."
Joy- an extreme pleasant emotion that is of God and not based on anything. It just comes or can be received and may be maintained. Nehemiah 8:10

Finally, I'm happy and what has happened that has caused this happiness is not what you would expect. In fact this happiness I've been able to maintain is because of things that have gone wrong. I just look at things and laugh. Yes. This is my life. Things did not go as planned but I'm alive. I can laugh. 

Learning this has been freeing in some sort. I'm not as moody as before! Hahahaha! I'm sure surviving and thriving this past semester and following it up with a holiday of over eating and sleeping has helped as well, but I'm grateful. I'm grateful to God for the opportunity of unexpected downs. They have actually made me smile. Ultimately, this has also kept me from depression, which was an effect I really was not expecting. The best part about it is that it came without a struggle. It just happened.
I can also thank my dear Gentleman, Ron, for this as well. He left us with nothing. No children to look at and say, "man you look just like your father!" or "That's how your father used to laugh!" Nope. Nada. Not even a book or his medical degree. He just left like that. All we have are his belongings, which air and time will eventually erode away. We do have his smiles. His kindness. The memories. We cherish those. It really pained me that he left like that. Him and I used to sttresssssssss!!!! We used to be worried about bills, debts, paying tuition, but none of that matters to him anymore. Funny enough, his leaving has impacted me in a very chill way. Yes there is pain. Yes things don't go my way. But, there is breath in me. I'm allowed to see another day. I can't let it waste. I have finally learned how to number my days. I must smile. I must distribute some of this happiness and joy. In case I leave abruptly, my friends and loved ones can cherish them. Even when I die pass 92, I gotta do my best to leave something in each day so generations after me will know there was an Ola Blessed that walked through this Earth.
Now a frustrated, unsatisfied, goal oriented extremist can't do that successfully! Happiness is needed.
So gladly, I go back to... I mean, I will start studying with what started out of chaos but has grown into something beautiful, my happiness. Because God has shown me His faithfulness. I mean The Man means business. He really loves me. No matter how many goals and tasks I messed up. He has provided everything I need and taught me how to be happy. I am truly growing into that which they call me. AyoKumbee, a person full, I mean brim full, of happiness and joy. 

Yea mehn, that's what my life be like right na. Okay, I've poured out my heart. Now to load my brain.
Ttysoonest. I promise hope... gots lots of work to do.

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