In Purple Ink

Too Busy to be Loved



I've found myself too busy lately.... too busy studying, too busy reviewing what I studied, too busy catching up on sleep, too busy with business meetings, too busy blogging, too busy cooking, too busy facebooking... juss too busy sha.
Too busy that getting in that prayer time becomes secondary, tertiary, quarti.. yea it just gets pushed back and into the next day.

I feel awful too because it wasn't like this in 2012. My study time in the Word came before any class subject. I would literally spend at least 10-15 minutes studying the Bible and then proceed to study. My alone time was everything. Now, I'm overcoming laziness and being "preoccupied."
pfffftt!!!
When I was a lil girl, the Holy Spirit was like a baby-sitter to me. I saw Him as a tattletale. He was always watching me so that when I mess up, He'd notify my parents and then I'd be in trouble. I was too smooth, so I thought, God had to be the only reason why I did get caught when I did. Unfortunately, growing into adulthood I somehow expect the same out of Him.... Once I mess up, the jig is up! Instead of telling Iya & Baba Ola(Ola's Ma & Pa... yea I literally call my parents "Ola's Mom" or "Ola's Dad" strange i know buh worefa!) , my dirty news goes straight to Baba God Himself! Then the next thing ya know, the blessings are placed on temporary suspension until I get my ack right. So I kinda just sit there like a criminal at a crime scene and just wait for the cops to show up and expect everything to go horrible from there. 
I love the Blessed Life! So you can imagine my guilt and shame when I realized my prayer life wasn't were it should be. I never gave up sha... I always try and put in some kinda effort. Well one day, I decided to just spend some quality time praying. No distractions, just me and Baba God just chatting it up. It was going pretty well and suddenly psalm 27 came to mind. I started chuckling. I believe that was my dear friend, The Holy Spirit trying to remind me of something. See He does that, in real life.. "bring all things to remembrance." 
Make I fill you in on the inside joke na. On the very worst day of my life, a day where I was suicidal and felt shunned by the whole world, these words were the only thing that gave me hope. The whole chapter gave me strength to stay alive. From stating I have nothing or no one in this world to fear all the way to Baba God being the only one who will Never Forsake Me. Every day during that horrible time in my life, I knew I had Some One who I could count on always. And now look at me! Everything was going great and I had time to neglect the only one who accepted me. It was actually funny to me. The One that I expected would flog me was actually asking for my attention! There were no sirens, no blue & red lights, no hand-cuffs... just some Love. No I'm not saying bad behavior gets rewarded or ignored na. Every action has its consequences. What I have been noticing lately is that God does not see Ola-the-girl-who-did-X-Y-Z. He sees Ola, His daughter. I don't know about you, but that makes me feel special. I've just been caught in this awe of how God loves.

I've actually never noticed it like this before; in little things. Like when I was walking home in 85°F of hot sun and thought to myself, "mehn, I wish I had a ride home" then a friend pulls up behind me and gives me a ride! And the time I was nervously heading to exams, got on the bus, and my favorite gospel tune was playing! And like last week when I hadn't seen my keys, despite looking for days and then I managed to double lock myself out the house. Yea K smh I just reached into my backpack, whispered "God please let my keys be here!" and they were actually there... Yup! You may laugh or think "no biggie small fry!" but mayne, that's provision with intricate detailing to me. I mean, I thought I was in a bad place during those circumstances, but Baba God already handled the sitchuation! That's Love mehn, and that's really who He is.

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1 sentiments:

  1. Great read!!! I see you're a testimony builder also. GOD is good

    ReplyDelete

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:)
Ola