In Purple Ink

Smile For Me

One would think that after typing for four straight hours in an attempt to meet an assignment's deadline, I would stop writing right? 
image
Nope.
SN: I'm not even aware of who this female is, or why she's dressed as such but her facial expression... yea that's me right now.

Boy oh boy!
October 21st!
You made my head spin!
This month is my favorite month of the year for reasons known to me. For the last five years, I have thoroughly enjoyed October. So I was pretty excited to be graced to see it again with such an amazing year already... however, it has not been going quite as expected.
#NoBueno
I guess I can say, due to my high expectations I was pretty bummed. Yet it is funny how quickly things turn around. 

The day before, the 20th, the main question that ran through my head was,
"What's the difference between me and a barbie doll?"
I mean, I dye my hair a lot, but I've never been into colorful wigs like Ms. Minaj.
Sometimes I try to stay away from the akimbo pose but often times I succumb to it.
I'm not as fashionable as Barbie who really is though? Her budget is unlimited!, but I'm not a tomboy anymore.
Therefore I can not really say that I'm a Barbie as defined by today's generation.
Until... until you look at that smile!

The traditional Barbie is always smiling. 
It is the simplest and most inexpensive form of makeup... easy to apply too, but behind it so many things may be occurring.
Ask my momma, since I was a kid, I have hated smiling. I mean of course I do it when I'm happy, but apart from that, school pictures (nah I aint posting any), general hanging out/family events and someone just has to pull out a camera... I'm not smiling! I replaced smiles with silly faces. Why not? What is the point? We put on a smile and say everything is okay or fine, meanwhile you can't stand the person you're next to! It may feel like the world is coming down on you, but simply to capture the moment yall will just keep on smiling... not me.
After a while, and a million why-do-you-always-look-so-mean? comments, I learned to just smile through everything. Just smile and say I'm okay and everyone will leave ya alone most times. I use my smile to cover up whatever emotions I may be feeling inside... Anger, frustration, sadness, even happiness. As the saying goes, "Don't wear your emotions on your sleeve!" Yea I really took that to heart. It is the easiest makeup.
I'm surely not the best at hiding my emotions, but I try... until that is, the 21st.
Simply put, I quit.
I quit smiling for a day.
There was no point to it.
All I had was the Word, my family, and a heart full of emotions.
I let it all show.
I did not care one bit!
Masking took more energy than I could provide.
When asked, what's wrong, I still managed to lie... 
The usual "I'm okay" didn't have the same effect this day.
Now thinking about it... a few people didn't even ask they just hugged me and it communicated so much to me. Even after wiping my cheeks of long concealed tears, I continued to say "I'm just fine."
A short time after, I approached someone with so much beauty. I always look at her and just wonder how her struggles affect her. Often times, she plays the same rhetoric to me... "I'm okay. I'll be alright." but from one Barbie to another, I know what that means. 
On this encounter, there was nothing to hide. Her struggles were laid bare for all to see... yet somehow, somehow, when she saw me, she smiled.
I swear it is the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. 
Tears began to roll down my eyes.
Every ill and negative emotion just vanished.
The joy I felt as those tears rolled down my face can not be put into words. It was like a tiny ray of sunshine put away all of my fears. In a fraction of a second, a Beautiful Barbie had shown me the real purpose of a smile; to enjoy the simplest pleasures in life.
In a fraction of a second, my love, respect, and admiration grew exponentially. 

One day, she'll read this too and I hope it brings her even greater joy inside.

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:)
Ola