In Rehab

Don't Speak... Communicate

Picture Courtesy of Tracy G

"Everyone is just talking, making quick assumptions and quicker judgments. No one contemplates or considers. I rather not add to the noise.... Can I explain how misunderstood I feel?" - Ola Blessed

That was the middle of August and surely not the first time I have felt so misunderstood that I had to write out my reasoning to make sure I understood myself. A lot of times, to me it seems, people just speak when conversing. They hear the other statements but never really digest them. I read somewhere (of course when I need to I can't remember where), that true listening means not formulating a response while the other person  is speaking or looking for the first tiny segue to insert your own opinions on a thing. Now, how many of us actually do that? Don't lie. 
If you do, major kudosC. If you're like me and that rarely happens unless the conversation begins with "We Need to Talk" and I'm nervous as heck and ran out of all possible ideas of what the heck I could have done wrong without a plausible conclusion K and you're highly anticipating the conversation thheennnnn you've got work to do.
            One of the things I struggle with in Rehab, is communication which is interesting because I talk a lot. You didn't notice. If you did, pretend you didn't. It would make me happy.... Anyway, I can go on and on about how rough it is for me to discuss my emotions and matters of my heart or my own rationale when my ego is threatened... yeaaa. Ideally, I prefer to allow my actions to speak out for me. There's only one issue with this, I'm human. Really, having issues communicating is surely not my cup of tea.
            When things get tough for me, a common theme has been playing a violin and crying "Oh Lawd, please don't let me be misunderstood!" I say one thing and people go off into very different interpretations. *raised eye-brow* This shows me they are clearly not listening and/or are being judgmental. Recent happenings in my life have shown not only is this true but that hey uhhh, Ola, you're no saint either. Yes people speak a lot and very few listen, but uh pull yaself together. You are guilty of the same thing too. I like to think that when people come to me for advice I do listen fairly well. I try to. I hope I do. As for every day communication, it is definitely an area in my life that needs to improve. Flat out, I'm rude! I won't even wait for the next segue before I give you my opinion. I may stop you mid-sentence!! L (SN: this pisses off one of my friends and honestly, I think it's funny. I can just tell by her stare and the way she continues her sentence that I'm being rude again. #NoBueno) Please remember to pardon me because it is out of habit and unconsciously done. Another bad habit is when you're speaking, I'm going through my mental roller-deck. I'm looking for similar situations to discuss or words of wisdom  to say. *insert scoffs here* It is really quite rude...
             To put a fix on things, I've decided to start with the old adage, "Listen twice as much as you speak. That is why you have two ears and one mouth." or something like that... My point is, I'm talking less. I really mean business with this... to the point where I watch the number of text message responses, I'll allow an awkward silence for 3 seconds to ensure you've finished your sentence, and I've stopped tweeting! Yep. I personally wish more people listen, give complete undivided attention. So I'm going do like my momma taught me, and begin with me. 
           The goal is to become an effective communicator. That is something that can bring benefits to every facet of life. By the looks of this post, I may be getting better already. This one is surely a lot shorter than the usual! Hopefully, it is also more organized. Anyway, before I trail off into another tangent, I'll leave you with this quote that explains the goal and rationale of my new communication efforts in one sweet sentence.

"what I say, is how I feel, so believe it's true..." MusiqSoulchild
Ya babe is on a mission....

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