In Chat Tea Rehab

No Stress, Just Rest

When I was asked to write a post for Honest Tea a million feelings came upon me but mostly the feeling of fear… The fear of what if no one likes what I have to say; what if I get writer’s block and nothing comes out; what if my dreams of writing was just that, a dream…the popular scripture people meditate on during a panic attack is 2 Timothy 1:7  For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  As I was mediating on that scripture another scripture came to mind, Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

So I’m like if I’ve been called to write, why should I be afraid of what people will think or say, because obviously God won’t let me fail right? So here I go…
   The common topic in my life right now is relationships, well my lack of one shall I say. Every other day someone is asking me why aren’t I in one, why did I end the last one, why are my standards so high, why don’t I just marry already and get it over with, why are you so picky…oh my favorite one is “you’re not getting any younger, don’t you think its time you introduce us to your husband?” With all these statements and questions you’d think I was 40 or something! My pastor said something once that your age doesn’t qualify you for marriage; so every time someone brings it up it just makes my skin crawl.

It astonishes me that as soon as a woman turns a certain age (usually 25) the whole world expects her to get married and start having kids! Like our whole purpose in life is to get married and have kids! I won’t lie; when I was younger I wanted to be married by 25. Someone once said “if you want God to laugh tell him you’re plans.” Obviously the plan I had for myself and what God had in store for me were two totally different things and when you walk out of his purpose you tend to end up in a whole lot of mess (well that’s a topic for another day)

A relationship shouldn’t be something you go and look for. It shouldn’t be your sole purpose of living. Every time you come across a guy the first question that comes to mind shouldn’t be oh could he be “ONE?” (I often wonder who came up with the concept of the ONE they should be smacked LBVS). Once we take off the pressure from ourselves and leave it to God we’ll be amazed at what he can do and how fast he can work in our favor. Genesis 2:18 {The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”}We weren’t created to be alone so why stress out about it? Number 23:19 “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” His word is true and it will come to pass so just stand on His word, and have faith.

As for me, I’ve had my share of relationships in the past, some great, some not so great, and not just with the opposite sex. We all know the famous statement some people are in you life for a reason, a season, or a life time, well I’ve had a little bit of all of the above. I’ve had relationships that I wish never happened and some that I wish I had invested more time into (also a topic for another day) but they both have shaped me into the wonderful woman I am today (LOL feel free to disagree). All in all, I’ve embraced my singleness in a whole new light! It’s a time for me to be me; without being attached to someone who gets jealous or someone who is boring. It’s a time for me to travel and enjoy my oneness in Christ! Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re alone of course. I’ve surrounded myself with great friends that I spend my free time with, ladies that I believe our friendship has a purpose. It’s not everyone I talk to that I call a friend. During this season of singleness I believe its best that you surround yourself with people who are on the same walk with you. Not just spiritually but emotionally and physically as well. (You may think why physically, but if you’re trying to lose weight, you need that friend who will talk you out of eating that last piece of cake LOL).

Now I’m not saying don’t “date” I’m just saying be complete in yourself before you try and include someone in your mess you call a life. Myles Munroe said something once, the person you are when you’re single is the same person you’ll be when you’re married, don’t think you’ll suddenly change just because you say “I DO!

Also, disclaimer I’m not a relationship expert or anything! I’m just sharing my views on the matter. This is my cup of Honest Tea! I didn’t get to this point over night it was a process. It took A LOT of time, prayer and mediation to get to this point and of course, I’m still not perfect.

 Well that’s all for now, remember don’t stress. Rest and keep your peace!

Kemi Ogunleye

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4 sentiments:

  1. Candid, as good a dose of honest tea as you would ever desire. Kemi, thank you for sharing this powerful piece.

  2. Kemi!

    I loved it!! That was actually really insightful. I’m gonna pass it along. I like the fact that you used scriptures to back up your points, and honestly what you were saying is exactly what I needed to hear. I know I’ve talked before about going on a dating hiatus and not trying to be in a relationship, and it was great to see that point of view broken down. I’m in a place now where I want to really be comfortable with me and like you said, get to know who I am as a single person. We need to support each other in our singleness!! And LOL @ “having that friend who will talk you out of eating that last piece of cake.” It’s the truth tho. I can’t begin to tell you how helpful your article was to me, and I’ll probably end up going back and reading it again. I’m proud of you for your strength and determination to stand on what you believe in . Keep your standards high, and continue to stand on God’s Word and His promises, and He’ll bless you beyond belief. 

  3. Very powerful. This truly blessed me. If you ever get that sense of doubt with your writing capabilities, go back to this piece. I am certain it will ripple and bless many more. God bless you and your journey. <3

  4. Kemi thank you for sharing your deepest and most inner thoughts about something that is so sacred and intimate...LOVE. It takes courage to open up the way you did and through your courage you blessed me with insight to my love life. Thanks again, and I look forward to the next entry!!


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