In Purple Ink

Double 07

4 years and 11 months ago... a very peculiar conversation took place.
August 2007
Ola: God I can not do this anymore. I'm tired. I don't have the strength for this. What is the point? I go to school, I come home, I makeup happy face, I'm a good daughter, sister and friend... but this... I can't do this life anymore. Why aren't things the way I want them. I said. I'm tired. Are you listening? What's the point? What's the purpose. I can't do this life. I don't get it. 
God: Where do you think you will be in 5 years?
Ola:... *pauses begins to calculate, realizes the answer and faintly smiles*... I should be 24 and in medical school... but I'm tired.

And 3 months ago, another one...
March 2012
God: Ola I'm changing you. Pick up your head. You're already different. See, I am doing a new thing! Don't you see it? I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland. 
Ola: God... me? Ola as in Ola Blessed? *laughs in disbelief*
What you got planned?
God: I'm granting you your heart desires.
Ola: *laughs again in shock* buhhh whhyyy?!?!
I haven't done much for You yet. 
God: Be still. Trust me.
Ola: Na you be the boss *laughs harder* I'm excited. Let Us Go There!

    This July 7th, my birthday, I write this with joy that brings tears and a belly full of excitement and awe. 2007 was a drastically depressing year for me to say the least. I was just going through the motions. All I did was complain. August was the straw that broke the camels back. I was depressed. I wanted out. I kept wayyy too much inside. I was seriously contemplating a way out of this life. Thank God for keeping me. I didn't even have a relationship with God. I had an understanding of who He was... my bailout plan when I was in trouble.  I finished 2007 depressed and wondering what would happen if I lived, but with that only question He asked me that day, I felt a little glimpse of hope. I held onto it and waited for an answer.
      Over the next few years dark times came. None dared to be as bad as 2007 but dark enough to make me forget myself and my desires. I gave up on practically every dream I had... medical school, a great marriage, living holy... but somehow He sent His Word through every dark period. Through my parents, my siblings, my church, my friends, the lady I met at the airport, the cashier at Walgreens, classmates, my psych professor, my supervisors... He made sure I heard and understood. He gave me strength to overcome, and now that I am here! Ha, My God is GOOD! Those trying situations were tough, but I beat them. He even used them to create and strengthen a real relationship with me. Now I feel like: Who goin' check me boo?

2012 has been like an amazing dream. I could not come up with this myself! It has had its struggles, but the place I am now mentally and spiritually is phenomenal. A few months ago, God reminded me of our conversation. I was filled with joy. Yea, I knew I'd be in medical school, but not like this. Not with the strength and courage that I have today. I calculated I would be 24 but not with the joy or peace I have today. I never considered the battles I would conquer. I can smile and boldly declare that my siblings, children, grand-children, nieces, nephews, grand-nieces/nephews will not have to fight certain things. Why? Just like David killed Goliath, by the Spirit of God, and defeated a foe for all of Israel, I have overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony. I have fought and more than that, I win. Only because He strengthened me.  He has fulfilled His promise and made me a new threshing hammer. I have crushed the mountains and made the hills like chaff. Have you ever seen a threshing instrument? Have you seen one in the hands of a Skillful Worker? yeeaaaa, do not mess with a lady with a serious prayer life and a serious group of friends! LOL but deathly serious! Mehn, I'm sooo joyful. I can't even put it into words....

    I'm extremely grateful to God for keeping His Word and using it to keep me. I will never forget this birthday and this gift of life. I'm not celebrating at home, but I have a home. Everyone there is doing way better than I imagined. I even have a great family away from home with brothers and sisters of different ethnicities that I will cherish for life. I'm doing extravagantly better than I imagined. I no longer struggle with things that used to keep me down. Heck, I don't struggle with depression! I'm more dependent on God than I have ever been in my life and I have to tell you, if you're not, you are MISSING OUT! Did you hear me? Missing Out! There is nothing better! 
    I'm living Unstoppable! Say Whhaaa? Yes, Unstoppable! It's a song from a Nigerian rapper that reminds to look at what God has done! All those bad times I thought, I'd never make it through! All those times He said no, and I cried; not knowing it was for my benefit. I say Jesus you are too sweet. And just when I thought things could not get better, He reminded me this year still has 6 more months AND He started telling me things about next year... yes, the 25th year. Amazing things happen. I'm floored with joy and peace. The same Ola that complained and question God in 2007 can now boldly say, "What a life, I've been given. My God I Am Blessed!" I love that with Him there's never a climax. I'm promised that things always get better for Us That Believe |Proverbs 13:9|. I'm excited and expectant for the next 5 years to come....

I couldn't find the song on youtube, but listen to it! Here are my favorite verses:
I just realized, I am Blessed. This is just a little toast.
...My world crashed and I didn't know where to go, but when a seed dies and falls to the Earth, it will GROW.
Some dream about heaven while they're living in hell... CHILL, It Will Come to Pass In God's Timing!
Whatever I say gotta happen, I'm King*
Who would think we would make it this far? 
Some days, i just think about the adventure and think... standing right next to the sun cant stop me from shining.
Who would tell one day we'd take charge, we'd be living these lives, we'd break, we'd Flow... fall back and just chill, cause, I'm Unstoppable.
I realize that I'm an Overcomer and that's all I'm saying...

P.S.S Here are two more songs that explain how I feel:
A song to my parents! I never thought I'd have the strength to do what I do, but you did. Your faith in your children never ceases to amaze me. 
God has surely made a believa outta me!!!

And this one reminds me of Tomorrow:
This is for my siblings, friends, & husband and my children. 
Yes, because we believe!
O ni ka woke, O ni ka goke, O fe so wa d'oke. 
O fe so wa d'orisa...Na because we believe.

I'm celebrating ALL MONTH! feel free to wish me a happy birthday in the comment section!!
You know I love hearing from you!

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