In Rehab


Hello everyone.
My name is Ola and I am addicted to love.
I am an Undercover, Over-Lover.

Ahh, yes.
Today's flavor is love.
It's also a little bittersweet.
But I promise to be upfront and honest with you.
Because that's one thing recovery is dependent on, honesty.
Thanks to google (y) I read somewhere that addicts use lies to protect their addiction. It's so true!
I'm the girl who puts up the tough act just to protect her heart and emotions, but I previously did this without wisdom. When it came down to it, for whatever reason I chose to love you, I wouldn't see past it and I would keep on loving you. Even when it wasn't solicited or needed. 
Thank God I had some dignity to protect! LOL I've never been a person to stay where I'm not wanted. 
After all, I'm not a goat na! All it would take is a simple no. But without those clear cut lines, I will continue to love you.

Actually, it's not just in my love life. I think I over do a lot of things. If something is not done to the best of my abilities, then I'm not done with whatever activity it is... making jewelry, preparing a poem, working on a project in a team, cooking... The cooking one is actually quite sad! LOL

I love efo, a Nigerian spinach dish, but man I always over cook it!  
It'll be DONE but I'll taste it and it doesn't taste exactly the way I want and I'll add more seasoning. I end up with nice tasting yet soft spinach.
*covers face with hands*
My jollof rice usually turns out over cooked as well.
*begins weeping*
Yes, I know very bad. 
BUT my cooking means a lot to me mayne! I've really been working on my cooking on a wide spectrum. Lately, well since December I've been getting better reviews... wait, wait! Back to the topic!

Ah, yes. Love.
Here in this space, on this page, you get to see parts of my heart.
I'll share what I have learned, what I struggle with, and what I just don't comprehend.

Overall, I thank God because while I'm still in Rehab, there is progress.  It has been a process. It's not easy, but I see the distance that I've come and even though there still may be tough times ahead, I'm grateful for the process, its growth, and the healing I've experienced. 
The truth of the matter is I can look back and cry and cry and cry.
At the end, all I'll have is shame and a headache. 
It would be purely selfish of me to not acknowledge how much God has and is currently working on me.
I can honestly say that now, my Heart Definitely Belongs to Him.

Thanks to the homie for sending me this message! It's about letting go of the past and if ya past torments you and induces fear about your future, I'll advise that you press play.

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