In Purple Ink


I often like to imagine my life as an epic movie. Sounds crazy right?
Yea I know...
but what's an epic movie without an epic soundtrack?! 
I always pick the most befitting song that reflects how I feel, what I've learned etc.
Well, like I stated in my 1st post, these really are excerpts from my diary.
Each year, each season of my life is just one chapter of this epic movie. 2012 brought some drastic changes for me and the first quarter seemed to be the part where the stage is set for the climax.

Yes, I know this post is late since it's about the 1st quarter of the year, but gimme a break! It took me a minute to sift through 3 months of writings and extract everything together and make them coherent for you to read.
See, I was thinking of you! 

Now, like I said, these are excerpts. You didn't really think I'd share every ounce of my personal life so freely on the internet did you?
I hope not.
This season, I definitely learned a lot and saw how much I've grown! And Boy am I Excited about the future! (I can't remember the last time I was excited about my future...) 
One of the prominent things I learned about this season was Kadesh.
So it was only right I picked the song, Kadesh by Mali Music!
It perfectly depicts how I feel and see this stage in my life.

More than that... here's what I learned: 

Kadesh- (Hebrew) n. Holy, Consecrated, Set Apart, Sanctified

In Psalm 46:4 {Orthodox Jewish Translation} it's mentioned as the place where the Holy Tabernacles dwell.
It’s also an actual place between Egypt and Canaan.

This is where the Israelites spent 40 years- Kadesh Barnea (Kadesh/Qadesh meaning holy and Barnea meaning wandering desert).  It’s significant as the place between pain (Egypt) and the promise (Canaan). 

For the Israelites: It was a time of testing. The Israelites had been fully delivered from Egypt & slavery. I'm wondering if this is when the Israelites made the comment about "cucumbers & onions" that my pastor is always referring to... Anywhoo, they were fully delivered from pain & had to be tried & trained to completely rely on God for Everything. This way God would know He'd be able to trust them when they got to the destination He promised. 

It's funny because they're in a desert! They barely trust their guide and all the things they were used to (the good and bad) are no longer around. They probably felt as if God had abandoned them. Numerous times they said they would have been better off in slavery than to be free and in the desert. Say what now?! Slavery over the desert? You better keep your freedom and adjust to the heat and sand! Despite all of that, the reality of it was that God did not leave them hanging. He always gave them the best! From food, to their clothes not wearing out, to guiding clouds by day and fire by night, God was clearly with them! He made His presence known to them.
The unfamiliar environment made it easy to complain about their current conditions and forget the hardships of the previous, familiar, destination.
Even though it was not always a bed full of roses for them, the Israelites grew and also were rid of different things holding them down (from ideologies and sadly even people). God didn't let them go onto the next phase until they grew.
The sad part is due to their stubborn hearts, a journey that should have only taken a few days, took 40 years.

This scenario also reminds me of Esther in her preparation to meet the king. She was pampered and dolled up, but I’m sure some of those midwives (not sure what they’re called) probably cut too close to her skin. I heard somewhere that she was given painful massages too, as it was a part of their custom. Massages are meant to be painful to break up all the toxins in the muscle and afterwards, you’re supposed to go and mess really well. And by messing I mean #2 to get rid of toxins etc in the body. 
It doesn’t always feel great during the massage and preparation but afterwards, when you meet that king, you will be happy that you went through it. It will suddenly be worth it.

How did I come to see all of this? God of course.

I first started listening to gospel music a whole lot more to lift the spirit of depression and hold on to my Joy. My beautiful cousin said that’s how she maintains joy all the time and doesn’t let things get to her. The first place I look for music is youtube in the voice of my favorite artist, Mali Music. I came across a lot, one of them being the song Kadesh. I read the comments and saw that Kadesh means  Holy, Consecrated, Sanctified… I was pleasantly intrigued. All of this was happening around exams too and a few friends were having some issues.  Every time I wanted to encourage them, it kept coming in my spirit that "God is our present help in trouble something something…” I couldn’t remember how the scripture went. I looked it up and was soothed. It’s pleasant na, so I read it in different versions. Each one gave me more understanding. 
(Psalm 46)
God is my impenetrable, fully resistant to temptation, and fortress in times of help. 
Exciting something. 
Fully Resistant to Temptation
Sometimes I like to see what the different Hebrew words are so I read it in the orthodox jewish translation, and #GBAM (BOOM for my american readers) there it was again! Kedosh! I thought maybe it was a different word, but I started searching man. At that point I considered myself embarking on a full out researching of this word. I had to know more. 
That's when I learned all of the above. 

The lessons and trials the Israelites went through, very much applies to me. Far from home and away from what I'm used to, my faith and character is definitely be tested while I'm being pruned. I'm Not at All saying living at home was torture, but I am saying I could have made wiser decisions. Just like any other human. I settled and went through some circumstances that could have been avoided, but hey I'm learning now aren't I? That's life.
I'm also being forced to get rid of some pretty bad ideologies that I had... for instance, if things don't go perfectly my way I can act a fool because behaving got me no where anyway.... 
Yea and then I'd come back to God way worse than I left and then do it all over again. 

Welp, once I fully understand a thing, I won't go back to it. (And let the church say...) Amen. I now understand I only knew things before, now I comprehend them. There's  A Difference.
Temptations will come but I have to stand, rely, and trust His Word & Promise.

 Bottom line I have to prove to God & myself that I can be trusted.
This is my season of separation and consecration where I grow in intimacy with God. A season where I'll receive strength and wisdom and my highest point here, will be my lowest point in the years to come. It's a place of growth and preparation for the greater things ahead. 
I must say so far, it's been Phenomenal! I've been obedient and God hasn't left me hanging. 
I've definitely prepared my heart and have been submissive to God so that this process won't be superbly over extended like the Israelites. Kadesh is a transitional phase, I surely aint tryna make this place my home for 40 years! LOL I need to get to what God has prepared for me!

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